The Right Way To Get Closure

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Heartbreak Podcast - The Right Way To Get Closure

This episode is inspired by a client who struggles with getting closure from her last relationship,  which is especially difficult since he just left and never spoke to her again. She was all in with coaching for six months, finding her way, and being strong in resisting the urge to contact her ex. However, every time she went out on a date, she started to lose some of that resistance. Why? Well, I think almost everyone has had the experience where we thought we already moved on and started dating someone, only to realize that this guy reminds us of our ex! And the worst part is? That drives us to think about our ex more and thinking that we need to reach out to them for closure and to make sense of what happened. 

Our brain is fixated in believing that the only option for our peace and the mending of our heart is having a closure with our ex. As a coach, the ex's "silence" is already enough closure, however, my client thinks otherwise. I know, we should knock her brains out and convince her, that's not the case! That she can heal herself, and she has to give herself the credit that her happiness relies on herself, alone, and not with that shitty ex of hers.  

As we move through the healing process of getting over an ex, some of the key steps are to be grateful for the experience and to tell ourselves that no matter what, as long as we have self-compassion and show up for ourselves and love ourselves, we will be okay. 

Topic in this episode

• What is the right way to get closure? 

• Why we should be grateful for the traumatic experience? 

• Things had to happen that way, no matter how much we don’t want to 

• Why our brain is fixated with the idea that closure can only be done with our ex! 

• Healing our hearts is not linear 

• Why generic advice won’t work if you need closure with your ex? 

• It’s always about the thought, not about your ex. 

• It’s not about him, it’s always about you and your relationship with yourself

Resources

• My heartbreak story: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/blog/my-heartbreak-story 

• Heartbreak and the Enneagram with Liz Elkins newcomer: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/blog/heartbreak-and-the-enneagram-with-liz-elkins-newcome 

• Heartbreak in your ideal relationship: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/blog/heartbreak-in-your-ideal-relationship

• Heartbreak for black lives: https://clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/blog/heartbreak-for-black-lives 

• Stacey Boehman: https://staceyboehman.com/ 

• Ashley Graber: http://www.ashleygrabertherapy.com/ 

• Courtney Abbiati : https://theurbanandthemystic.com/ 

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/theurbanandthemystic/?hl=en 

• Byron Katie: https://thework.com/ 

• Brooke Castillo: https://thelifecoachschool.com/ 

PLEASE NOTE: Claire refers to her exes and the listener’s ex as a “he,” based on her own personal experience as a heterosexual female, but this work can be applied to ANYONE going through heartbreak. ALL genders and sexual orientations are encouraged to listen and apply Claire’s tools into their own lives!

 Editing and show notes by Roth Media