If I THINK I Want Him Back, Why Isn't He Here?


This episode was inspired by a client of Claire's who recently had her heart broken quite abruptly by her long-term boyfriend.

Like all of Claire's clients, she is eager to DO the WORK, she's got a great sense of self-awareness, and INTELLECTUALLY understood that this guy didn't turn out to be as great as she thought.

However, like MOST of us going through heartbreak, there have been moments where her client second-guessed her own behavior throughout the relationship, and thought that maybe some of the things that she THOUGHT weren't going to work long-term, COULD!

This is the classic case of what is called BARGAINING when experiencing grief.

The pain of losing him feels stronger than the pain of continuing in a relationship where there were going to be aspects that ultimately would have been a deal-breaker for her, long-term.

So Claire's client was having a moment of longing and posed the question, If my thoughts create my results, and I want him back, can I THINK him back into my life??

Claire challenges her client on if that's really true.

WHEN YOU ARGUE WITH REALITY, YOU SUFFER.-- Byron Katie

He's no longer here-- therefore you definitely don't want him back

If he was the right guy, he'd be here.

Claire's references

Episode 1 All I Want Is For Him To Come Back

Episode 5 My Heartbreak Story

Claire's article on Kourtney Kardashian's lifestyle site, Poosh!

The reason he's not coming back is because you DON'T want him back.

When He's On the Attack


Claire "THOUGHT" she was being attacked this week by the trolls who disapproved of her article on Kourtney Kardashian's new lifestyle site, POOSH.

It's totally normal for all of us to have AUTOMATIC negative thoughts when things like this occur, but we're not going to change others... we can only change OURSELVES

Claire breaks down the thought "He's attacking me," with Brooke Castillo's thought model. 

The words those people wrote to Claire are NEUTRAL-- it's the MEANING that she initially made of them that caused her to feel triggered.

Her ACTION to defend herself yielded her the result of getting attacked MORE!

So, she plugs into a new intentional model with the SAME NEUTRAL CIRCUMSTANCE and explores how she WANTS to feel...

Calm.  At peace.  In acceptance.

So what would she need to THINK in order to feel this way??

If one person's heart is inspired to heal in exchange for 100,000 haters, IT'S WORTH IT TO GET TROLLED!  

HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE.

With these new thoughts, her action is to focus on SERVING and FOCUSING on all the love and support she DID receive from so many people who appreciated the article.  

And the RESULT is:  Staying in her own lane!  Continuing to do her thing and FULLY ACCEPT that the larger her audience, the more criticism she'll be suceptible to, which is TOTALLY WORTH IT!

You get to change your story, loves.  You're the only person who can dictate how you can feel.

If you want to stop wanting him back, you have to stop thinking that he's attacking you.  

Start focusing on YOU.  

Find new thoughts!  COMMIT to them.  Over and over and over again. 

https://www.abraham-hicks.com/

Single Happy and Fulfilled


Claire dishes on how being single, happy, and fulfilled BEFORE you welcome him in, is KEY.

She hits home on how her coaching work in heartbreak is NEVER about the other person-- it's ALWAYS about WHY YOU STAYED.

This is where the work is at.

Wanting a man ISN'T WRONG! But THINKING him coming in is going to be the THING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, isn't Claire's approach and frankly, doesn't work in the long run.

How coachable are you?

How WILLING are you to show up and THINK, FEEL, and BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY before the desired results??

Claire talks about how she's OFF the dating apps currently, but STILL feels like her person is CLOSER. It's not about the ACTIONS we take-- it's about the INTENTION behind them.

Claire uses the analogy of her not knowing a thing about being a successful entrepreneur, so she HIRED A COACH-- not just to learn, sales, strategy and marketing, but also so she could LEARN HOW TO OVERHAUL HER MINDSET AND GET INTO THE BELIEF SPACE THAT BEING A SUCCESSFUL COACH WAS POSSIBLE.

However, she also had to be happy and understand her value and SERVE, without having the external results unfold first.

Same with dating! Understanding your value and your worth, while putting yourself out there, all the while having FUN!

Claire hits home on the fact that she doesn't sell getting Mr. Wrong back- She sells how to FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!!

If you're interested in learning how to BEHAVE AS THE FUTURE VERSION OF YOURSELF, call Claire!

It IS POSSIBLE TO BE HAPPY AND ALONE!

Key to being single, happy and fulfilled?

GET SO FULFILLED LIFE WITH WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO

GET LIT UP!!!

Claire riffs on ALL the ways she loves her life WITHOUT A MAN, and then naturally dates come her way.

What LIGHTS YOU UP THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WIHT A MAN?

If your answer is "I don't know" or "i don't have the time" FIGURE IT OUT.

Let's work on falling in love with YOU, before ANYONE else does!

How to Call Mr Right In


Wait-- why is Claire talking about this if SHE'S still single?!?

She knows how but fully admits she's NOT DOING IT, CURRENTLY!

Check out Episode 12 first, before you go any further with this episode: I WANT HIM TO MAKE ME HAPPY.  

Claire reminds us that this podcast is for ALL sexual orientations and genders.

Great mindset podcast by Claire's business coach, Stacey Boehman:  HOW TO MAKE MONEY AS A LIFE COACH 

If you're not familiar with Brooke Castillo's thought model-- the main tool Claire uses in her coaching and what Claire's coaches use on her, order:

Self Coaching 101

Follow Claire on INSTA!  @clairebyrnecoaching

Claire owns that she of course has moments of sadness, loneliness and fear, being a single woman.  

BUT BEING SINGLE IS A NEUTRAL CIRCUMSTANCE, and it's her job and YOUR job to THINK differently about it.  

To think, feel and behave like he's HERE!  

While on the search for Mr. Right, it's Claire's and YOUR job to make yourself happy.  

The work isn't to GET HAPPY WHEN HE'S HERE.  It's to be totally fulfilled, confident, certain, calm, relaxed, giddy, and happy AS IF he's here! 

Claire continues to understand and get clear about men she has dated in recent years and recognizes that her over-drinking with them misled her to believe there were deeper connections happening.  

NO SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA-ing going on... just constantly getting more clear on what HASN'T worked in her past, and how she wants to continue to learn, grow and evolve, and KNOWS this will bring her closer to him.  

She shares what her ideal man and relationship looks like... Can you hear how CLEAR and CERTAIN and GIDDY she is about his arrival??!

Who's the WOMAN you want to become in order to attract your ideal man??

Claire's ideal version of herself:  

A woman who doesn't rely on alcohol to relax, take the edge off, or quell her nerves.  She's a badass boss babe.

Claire makes fun of herself and her single friends/clients who CLAIM they THINK they're doing everything RIGHT, so WHY AREN'T THEY GETTING THE RESULT THEY WANT of finding Mr. Right??

Your thoughts AREN'T working for you.

Maybe you THINK you're "DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS!"  Been on FIFTY dates-- I'm PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE.

The common denominator is YOU. Your THOUGHTS create your RESULTS.

The thought is:  I'm DOING ALL THE THINGS BUT IT ISN'T WORKING

Which makes you feel:  Sad, hopeless, discouraged, lonely

Then how do you ACT?  

Swipe from a place of sadness, hopelessness.  Maybe you match, and then you realize you're not that into him.  Or you force yourself to go out with someone you KNOW you're not that into, but you're doing it for the SAKE of doing it.  

SO WHAT'S YOUR RESULT?  

STILL SINGLE

So, what Claire does with her clients who's main focus IS to attract Mr. or Ms. Right, is encourage them to SHIFT their THINKING.  

Claire shares WHY she's not focusing on dating EVEN though she feels like her guy is closer!

The work is to give YOURSELF the satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness you're seeking.  And yes, even the PLEASURE you're seeking.  

Check out Claire's bestie, Danielle Savory's podcast, IT'S MY PLEASURE.

Claire riffs on this amazing life she has cultivated EVEN WITHOUT him here.  

As much as she's ready for him to enter when he does, she knows her partner is still gonna piss her off!!  

Life will still be 50% negative, 50% positive.  

THERE'S NO THERE, THERE.  

She refuses to believe that a man coming in will complete the picture.  

Think, feel and behave like he already is here!  Commit!!  

You get to CHOOSE how you want to THINK about being single.  

You get to keep evolving into the future version of yourself that you want to become without him physically here.  

What thoughts can you think TAPPING INTO those giddy feels AS IF HE'S HERE NOW??

OF COURSE HE'S HERE.  It was so well worth the wait now that he's here.  

 I needed to go through THAT shitty relationship to learn a big lesson, that led me to Mr. Right. 

I Want HIM To Make Me Happy

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Claire calls BS on anyone who claims they've never thought they need a man to make them happy or complete the perfect picture.

Even if we INTELLECTUALLY understand that other people don't make us happy, it's so human and natural for us to want a significant other or ANY person we love to "make" us happy.

Claire talks about her client, Sarah, who recently had the rug pulled from underneath her when her boyfriend broke up with her abruptly... this is coming off the heels of some serious conversations about moving her kids into a home with him in the near future.

Sarah shows up for the work and believes in Claire's approach that our thoughts create our results... BUT she had a GOOD argument:

Her man made her happy by taking her out to nice dinners, having great sex, going on romantic getaways...things her wonderful girlfriends couldn't give her in the same way he could.

Claire dishes on why Sarah is STILL responsible for her own happiness, regardless of if she's single or not, and offers her a CRUCIAL FIRST STEP in order to cultivate this AUTHENTICALLY.

Check out Brooke Castillo's work in her book SELF COACHING 101 and learn more about the thought model tool Claire references in every episode and applies on herself and her clients.

Resisting the Urge

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Claire shares a few examples on how challenging it can be when we're in the thick of wanting to resist the urge of engaging with Mr. Wrong, or reaching for that extra DRANK or SUGAR!   

The great news is you don't have to resist the urge...   The more you resist, the more the urge will persist, and therefore you'll most likely, INDULGE THE URGE!  

Tune in to hear a different alternative that Claire swears WORKS!  

Also, be sure to check out Brooke Castillo's podcast, The Life Coach School.   Claire mentions Brooke's teachings on over-drinking in this episode, and uses Brooke's primary tool, The Model, in both her own coaching work with clients and herself, and in every episode of How to STOP Wanting Him Back.  

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

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Claire reminds us yet again of her favorite Byron Katie quote: When you argue with reality, you suffer!

She shares a couple of personal choices she’s made that caused more pain in the moment but that she ultimately has no regrets about, and shares why you shouldn’t either! 

Also, if you are in the LA area and feel that therapy would be a better healing route for you, Claire highly recommends her amazing mindfulness-based psychotherapist, Ashley Graber. 

Www.ashleygrabertherapy.com

NOW WHAT- Interview with writer Jen Pastiloff

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Claire has the honor of having Jen Pastiloff as her FIRST guest!

Jen is the author of the upcoming bestseller, (100% it will be) ON BEING HUMAN.

Tune in to hear all of the magical gems Jen gifts us with about heartbreak on NOW WHAT? This is an episode and a book you DON’T WANT TO MISS.

Check out Jen’s amazing workshops coming up in France and Italy, also called ON BEING HUMAN at www.jenniferpastiloff.com. You can follow Jen on Instagram at @jenpastiloff

And most importantly you can order the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Being-Human-Memoir-Waking-Listening/dp/1524743569/ref=nodl_

It's Not Him-- It's YOU

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It’s so easy to berate your body when you don’t like how it looks, but that’s when we need to love it the most…

And the same goes for when you’re heartbroken!

We want so badly for the other person to love us in order for us to feel better, but the LESSON IS FOR US TO LOVE OURSELVES NO MATTER WHAT.

It’s NOT him-- it’s YOU and the MEANING you’re making out of him leaving, which is CAUSING YOU SO MUCH SUFFERING.

Sure, you might treat yourself to an amazing trip or a massage or a shopping spree as a way to be kind to yourself, but the ONLY way to FULLY heal is to change your story and MANAGE your MIND around your ex.

Claire LET her rock bottom ex have the power to decide her worth AND decide her lack of worth…

Instead of being in his business about the meaning behind his words vs actions, why not get so in love with you and start, thinking, feeling and behaving as the woman IN your ideal relationship.

How do you show up as if your ideal partner already here??

You could start to think feel and behave from THAT space, instead of thinking, feeling, and behaving from a place of rejection and unworthiness.

It’s NOT him—it’s YOU.

This is the best NEWS EVER.

Forgiveness without Apology

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Claire talks about her past, being a natural-born fighter, and although she hasn't "perfected" forgiveness without an apology, she does take credit for how far she's come.  

She touches on her THOUGHTS that cause her to feel anger, preventing her from forgiving one particular person at this point in time.  

NOT forgiving is a CHOICE.  

Forgiving also doesn't mean CONDONING someone's behavior... it's more about freeing YOU up.  

Whatever you're judging about someone else is something you're not owning about YOU.   

Explore shadow work and thought work from the book links below:

Your THOUGHTS about OTHERS and THEIR behavior is what causes you suffering.  

You get to DECIDE how you want to view a situation!

If you feel stuck and don't know how to stop obsessing over someone else's behavior or feel out of control with your anger, MESSAGE CLAIRE. 

Reckless Infatuation

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Why do we do this?

Cultural pressure.

THINKING it’s what we want even if we’re not ready.

What makes us recklessly infatuated?

Physical chemistry.

Run from an immediate panty-dropper!

There’s usually a painful soul lesson!!

Or what the hell? Show up, feel the pain, and LEARN FROM IT!

Claire references her last reckless infatuation 5 years ago.

NOT HIS FAULT.

It was HER idea of what she wanted out of the relationship and was BLINDED by the physical chemistry off the bat.

GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR WITH ANYONE YOU’RE DATING.

It doesn’t matter how old you are!

Obviously, don't be aggressive about your relationship goals and future right off the bat, but be direct and own what you’re looking for without apology. Ask the right questions! LISTEN to him. Pay attention to his actions.

Manifesting a partner is DIFFERENT. That’s YOUR business in YOUR brain.

Totally have fun visualizing and tapping into how you would think, feel, and behave with your ideal partner, and think about the woman you need to become to attract this high quality man, (not change to win him over, but grow to attract each other at both of your highest vibrational states!)

The WORK WORKS.

Claire then references a more recent dating situation last year… She started to really like him, he liked her. Great chemistry, sense of humor, a lot in common until he said, I want to keep doing what we’re doing but I don’t want to date you.

Disappointing? Yes.

But clear as day that walking away was the RIGHT CHOICE. She wasn’t attached to some fantasy about a future. Was Claire hurt? Yes. But there was no false fantasy she was mourning in the end.

If she was RECKLESSLY INFATUATED she would have continued on his terms bc it felt like dating anyway!

SO HOW DO YOU SHOW UP IN YOUR DATING LIFE WITHOUT GETTING CARRIED AWAY?

TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE!

Is he really SEEING YOU?

Does he want the same things as you?

Are his words lining up with his actions?

Are you letting drinking hinder your perception of the connection you have?

Making greater meaning out of an exchange of words because of alcohol?

EVERYONE SHOULD READ ATOMIC HABITS by James Clear

Where else are you not as present in your dating life?

If your current result is NO PARTNER, how are you thinking, feeling and behaving in your dating life?

Claire is currently looking at her own relationship with alcohol and reflecting on how it has NOT served her dating life, and will be expanding on this topic in future episodes as she embarks on a MODERATE drinking journey vs identifying as a REGULAR drinker.

Always new stones to uncover in this personal growth work to keep expanding and THRIVING!!!

My Heartbreak Story

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This is Claire's FIRST completely unscripted episode, where she shares her raw, honest, and most vulnerable story about her rockbottom heartbreak.

She laughs, she cries, and she intends to bring a comforting reminder to all of you who feel hopeless, at a loss, devastated, and stuck, that not only are you NOT alone, but you can 100% transform your life BECAUSE of this experience.

Life isn't happening to you.  It's happening FOR you. 

I Think I’m Great But Why Doesn’t He?

Who can relate to feeling SO good about yourself because you’re DOING THE WORK and then you attract an amazing man and it’s all lining up in the magical way you dreamed, and then…

He bounces.

On the one hand, you wonder what the hell is the point of doing all this work?

And then on the other hand… you think NO!  It’s HIM!  I’m AMAZING!

HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU THINK THAT LATTER THOUGHT?

Crappy.  Righteous??

Action:  Resist the reality of him leaving

Result:  questioning your own greatness and wanting him back

Brooke Castillo reference:

If someone says you have blue hair, you wouldn’t bother to need him to see that you don’t.  You KNOW that you don’t. 

If you need someone to see your greatness, there’s a part of you that isn’t fully owning it. 

First step:

Feel the disappointment. 

Investigate areas in your life where you don’t feel great—your job?  Your body?  Your home? 

We can’t control the circumstance of him leaving…

We can only look at the thoughts we think about OURSELVES under the circumstances.

This is an opportunity for you to do more work on you… NOT to get the right guy but to keep cleaning up where you’re not fully owning yourself.

Do the work on your greatness for YOU, no matter what. 

Look for evidence as to why HE wasn’t great…

Claire shares a few of her own personal experiences with men who ended it with her, who she quickly realized weren’t her guys.

She clocked a few red flags along the way but stayed open when there was enough good…

HOWEVER these noted red flags made it easy to remember that he WASN’T that great. 

No regrets!   There will always be things we don’t love about our partners so it’s important to stay open as long as there aren’t MAJOR dealbreakers, based on what you’re seeking in a partner. 

OWN YOUR GREATNESS

Who cares if you do all this work and you still haven’t found him??

That’s not the point!

Stepping into vulnerability and your authentic self isn’t meant to be for someone else! 

It’s never about what he thinks.  It’s always about what YOU think of you.  

Why Is It Taking Me SO Long To Get Over Him?

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The shame you’re feeling from others about how long it’s taking you to get over him is really the shame you feel for yourself.

Claire says the first thing you need to do, is OWN how long it’s taking you to heal. 

There’s no pressure or rush to heal!

Instead of looking for ways to STOP her pain, Claire didn’t know she was actually in need of someone to help guide her THROUGH it. 

Attempting to stop the pain only PROLONGS it. 

Claire fully owns that it took her TWO-THREE years to get over

Find a TRUSTED AND RELIABLE PROFESSIONAL to create a safe and compassionate space for you to fall apart, BEFORE you can transform your victim story into a HEROINE STORY… (the best part!)

Don’t give up until you find the right professional to work with!   He or she is out there and if you’re interested in working with Claire, go to

www.clairebyrnecoaching.com/connect

Learning to be ok with NOT being ok and owning how long it takes to heal is huge! 

This doesn’t mean Claire is encouraging you to take 2-3 years to heal!   She didn’t have the tools at the time and knows it would be a quicker process if she knew what she knows now. 

But still, there isn’t a formulaic timeline on how long it “should” take to heal

Even though unhealthy, toxic relationships are tough to move through, so are “healthy” break-ups! 

You mourn what you hoped was possible between the two of you, and just the fact that he was a good person and perhaps fear how hard it will be to find that connection again…

Even WITH the tools, Claire opens up how one break-up took her almost a year to get over after only being with someone for four months.

WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE A BAD THING? 

Who is ANYONE to judge.

She applied the tools—leaned into the pain, went to a therapist, and a coach and used that heartbreak as inspiration to launch her coaching business as a HEARTBREAK COACH.  She didn’t shy away, and she allowed herself to miss this person until she didn’t…all the while doing thoughtwork daily, meditating, and living her life to the fullest. 

Be selective over who you talk about your heartbreak with!!

Don’t indulge your victim story with someone who wants to relate and indulge with you! 

Cultivate your OWN approval of your pain. 

You will waver back and forth between wanting to heal and move forward, and then fall apart.  TOTALLY NORMAL.  HEARTBREAK is NOT a linear process.

Before taking on a client, Claire wants to make sure you’re READY to move forward… if you’re going to keep checking his social media, or beating yourself up for still wanting him back, or continue to be in his business about what HE thinks of you, vs cultivating so much love and focusing on what YOU think of you…

If you do all of the above, OF COURSE it’s going to take longer for you to get over him!!! 

Lots of ways to LOVE on yourself

  • fall apart

  • take a hot bath

  • journal/thoughtwork

  • lean into the pain

  • reiki

  • meditation

  • yoga

  • connect with TRUSTED sister-friends

  • solo movie date.

  • Speak with LOVE to that inner critic! 

Unhealed wounds will manifest in disease or play out in future relationships.  Heal it HEAD ON!

Don’t believe you’re back to square 1 when you feel like it hurts so much after feeling like you were finally turning a corner of healing and moving on!

This is TOTALLY normal!   NO MORE JUDGMENTS ON HOW LONG IT TAKES OR HOW DEEP THE PAIN.

This too shall pass, and KNOW that you’re gonna be a better woman FOR all this work you’re doing on yourself!

Why Would He Do That To Me?

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Just when you think you’re gonna SHOCK Claire with your heartbreak story, newsflash—she’s heard it all.

Benching—keeping someone on the sidelines as back-up in your dating life, who you check in with once in a while

Zombie-ing-- when the ghoster comes back from the DEAD! (Claire’s fave)

Orbiting—when your ex lurks on your social media but doesn’t directly reach out

It’s amazing how much DRAMA the mind can create from a little orbiting or zombie-ing action—especially when residual feelings resurface or they never died down in the first place.

MAKE IT MATH, NOT DRAMA.

Keep it simple when the mind wants to create a lot of story that isn’t serving you.

What was the RESULT Claire wanted when asking the question:

WHY would her ex (who isn’t following her and who broke it off with her) ORBIT her on Instagram?

FOUR OPTIONS on how to handle it:
1) let go of needing to know the meaning
2) decide an empowered meaning behind it
3) BLOCK HIM
4) Directly ask him

If you were to reach out, MAKE SURE your thoughts and feelings are in alignment with your HIGHEST SELF. Same with BLOCKING him.

The ACTION is to reach out or BLOCK but the thoughts and feelings always come BEFORE the action.

If you’re reaching out in a defensive or attacking manner, how will it serve you or him?

(hint: it won’t!)

But any action from a place of love and compassion for yourself and the other person, will always keep you grounded and clear in the thick of the vulnerability.

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? Is a maddening question to ASK!

THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE OPTION 4

If you were in any form of an abusive relationship, HARD NO, on reaching out.

Put the focus BACK on yourself and move forward… in fact, if it was an abusive relationship, he should be BLOCKED on all levels…phone, email, and all social media.

What if you believed NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING TO YOU?!

The personal meaning you’re making out of his behavior is causing you pain.

Instead ask,

Why are YOU doing this to YOU?

Getting caught up in his business, what he’s up to, who he’s with, why he’s saying or doing whatever it is with regards to you… Notice all the mind drama YOU are creating.

Don’t worry about WHY you’re caught up in all the pain… that will keep you MIRED in the heartbreak.

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.

You care about him. You want him back. You just do. OWN it. No shame or judgment on yourself. MATH. NOT DRAMA.

Wanting to know why or how he could behave a certain way is totally normal and human, but it’s also a tricky question to indulge if you really want to commit to MOVING ON AND STOPPING WANTING HIM BACK.

Bottom line—the heartbreak happened. It can’t unhappen.

When you argue with reality, you suffer- Byron Katie.

If you’re not going to ask him WHY, try committing to the belief that WHY he did what he did DOESN’T MATTER

The more you are in judgment, the longer you suffer

Byron Katie: Who would you be without the thought?

Work, family, friends, mental health, physical health.

Give all the love you’re seeking from him, BACK TO YOU!

All I Want is for Him to Come Back

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Feel the fear and resistance of trying my approach

Your brain is way more comfortable longing for him, but if you stay open to my tools this will for sure help you STOP wanting him back.

Totally normal to NOT want to hear that you’ve dodged a bullet or want to punch someone when they say “this might be the best thing that ever happened to you!” when you’re in the thick of your pain.

I was there! But I pushed healing opportunities away because I was more attached to my victim story than my heroine story.

You’re ready when you’re ready BUT being on the other side of it, I strongly encourage you to stay open to these tools.

My healing path unfolded the way it did at the perfect time, but if you’re interested in healing a lot quicker, try what I’m offering if you want to stop wanting him back,

Trust that what I’m offering here works—it’s a practice, and a COMMITMENT to start believing that you don’t need him or ANY man to feel better.

WANTING HIM TO COME BACK is a THOUGHT.

PAIN ISN’T A BAD THING. It’s a PART OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

Think of other things you THOUGHT you wanted but now no longer do…

Like all the other dudes you’re now over. THEY didn’t change. Your THINKING about them did.

Time, space, or some guy replacing isn’t the answer!

THOUGHTS AREN’T FACTS!

Thoughts CREATE results.

If you want different results – think DIFFERENT thoughts.

When you think ALL I WANT IS FOR HIM TO COME BACK… you FEEL sad, anxious, rejected.

Then your ACTION from that FEELING place causes you to stalk his social media and let him consume your mind and aren’t PRESENT in the other areas of your life, and then your RESULT is that YOU STILL WANT HIM BACK.

OF COURSE we want to allow for time to grieve when we lose someone we love and you should CONSCIOUSLY grieve. Cry it out, lean on loved ones, talk to a trusted professional.

But then you have a CHOICE to decide if you want to indulge the pain or COMMIT to move forward with SHIFTING YOUR THINKING.

If the RESULT you want is to STOP wanting him back then you have to STOP THINKING that you DO!

“I can’t help it” doesn’t cut it!

DECIDE you want to change.

Him not coming back isn’t causing pain.

Your THOUGHTS about him not coming back are causing pain.

How do you WANT TO FEEL about him being gone?

WHEN YOU ARGUE WITH REALITY, YOU SUFFER. –Byron Katie

BETTER-FEELING THOUGHTS about your NEUTRAL CIRCUMSTANCE that he’s not coming back
His behavior says a lot more about HIM, than it does about me.
I’m a REALLY good partner—not perfect, but I’m proud of how I showed up.
I’m willing to take responsibility for my part, without shaming myself but loving myself even more, when I MOST need it.
My person is out there!
I’m worthy of a healthy relationship where unconditional love is reciprocated
I will love myself whole-heartedly on my search for love.

ACTION
Thoughtwork every day around circumstances my mind wants to create drama around
Quit social media stalking.

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THE CHANGE? MAKE TIME!
It’s uncomfortable stopping social media stalking but if you’re mission is to get over him you have to start thinking and feeling like the woman who has already moved on!

Commitment to getting over him has to be stronger than your commitment to keeping tabs of him!