It sounds crazy to say this but the truth is: Ever since I came out of the womb, he just DID it for me. Whenever we connected, I lost my appetite, track of time, and quite frankly, a whole lotta money. My friends and family were always in awe of my thick skin, watching me tolerate him come and go as he pleased, but I assured them I was ok and that there's no one else I wanted to be with more, than Acting.
So I chose to eat quite a large shit sandwich from my early 20's into my 30's by dating back-up guys during his disappearing acts, (no offense to Yoga and Life Coaching) never taking a personal vacation out of fear of missing him, and keeping all of of my week day hours open, waiting for him to show up whenever he felt like it...
I know--What A Dick.
Thankfully, I finally realized it too when it hit me that he hadn't made a valiant effort since he let me appear on NBC's About a Boy, all the way back in November 2014.
Yep-- the two years of radio silence was the deal-breaker, and I finally decided to say goodbye to Acting last month.
I met with a matchmaker to go over the possibility of dating AVAILABLE men-- you know, the kind who want me around Mondays through Fridays from 9-5, who pay for my vacation time, and feel as strongly about monogamy as I do.
My heart sank during the meeting-- I knew I wasn't head over heels for these potential suitors, despite the list of several enticing credentials they offered. And the life coach in me felt like a fraud, taking on the limiting belief thatI HAD to choose between an abusive relationship of passion OR a secure relationship of boredom.
So I left the meeting, cried to my best friend, and decided that even though I was clairely over acting, I wouldn't officially break up with him until Mr. Right came along.
Who's the PLAYA NOWWW????
As soon as I made this very clairedecision, the mofo came outta nowhere just DAYS after the meeting, and whisked me off to the set of FOX's Sleepy Hollow in Atlanta last week, for the most rewarding role of my life to date.
I fell in love with Acting all over again--perhaps on an even deeper level. He profusely apologized and explained he had been doing a lot of work on himself over the last two years in therapy-- pretty much everything I'd been dying to hear him say my whole life, right when I didn't need to hear it anymore. He begged me to give him another chance and I just couldn't resist his charm.
Do I think he changed? Nooot entirrrrrely but most importantly, I CHANGED.
I got the clearest I'd ever been about about my needs, I authentically took my power back, and for the first time ever, I putme before him.
I do recognize that letting go of people or things you love doesn't always guarantee their return, but I absolutely believe that tapping into your self-worth first will help bring you that much closer to your soul's deepest desire-- a desire that some of us might not know what that is yet....
And by no means have I suddenly re-committed myself to Acting fully, but I'm appreciating the shift in his behavior, while it's clear he's appreciating the shift in mine. We'll see if he puts his money where is mouth is in the coming months...
Ah shite, who am I kidding? Our wedding hashtag is #ActingGotByrned2017
Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.
What or who are your grasping at, with little to no reward in return? Are you giving too much and therefore sacrificing your most precious essential self's needs? Is there a turtle step you can think of that would help tap into your self-empowerment? Try it out and see how the Universe responds to YOU PUTTING YOU FIRST! Let me know how it goes in the comments below!