My client was very confused:
Claire, have you been listening to anything we've been talking about for the last YEAR? I'm the most monogamous person I know. I'm only dating "Joe."
Nope. You're dating Joe AND your ex.
How many times have you entered into a new relationship and all you can do is look for fires to put out, based on your LAST tumultuous relationship??
Side-note, I'm totally supportive of actively dating however many people you want simultaneously, as long as you're not misleading anyone, and ummmm are SAFE if you're ummmmm...you know...
(My dad reads these!)
I continue to fall into the "dating-two-people-at-once" trap myself! It's totally a self-protective measure, ensuring that I won't make the same mistake twice.
But guess what, my loves?
There are NO guarantees that you will or won't make the same mistake twice, EVEN IF THIS GUY IS AN IMPROVEMENT ON THE LAST.
Furthermore, WHY DOES A RELATIONSHIP THAT DOESN'T WORK OUT HAVE TO BE CALLED A "MISTAKE?"
If you haven't checked out my Heartbreak Story, (shameless self-plug alert) I repeatedly went back to someone who consistently gas-lit and spewed lies upon lies at me.
At the time, I beat myself up for the numerous "mistakes" I made by going back to him again and again, but the truth is, if I hadn't experienced that gut-wrenching experience, I might not be typing this lil self-help blogpost for you today...
I know-- HOW SAD WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?!
So let's take a moment to thank ALL of our narcissistic-sociopathic ex-lovers for catapulting us on to a journey of deep-soul searching, bringing us closer to ourselves than we've ever been.
Kinda joking, but really kinda NOT joking...
Getting your heart broken is of course scary, my loves. I too am scared of that happening again.
But if we make our choices based out of fear, by
A) running from Mr. New Guy before he's given us any reason to run, or
B) NOT putting ourselves out there to actually meet someone GREAT,
we'll never give ourselves the chance to find the truest and most beautiful love that I believe IS OUT THERE for all of us.
But the trick is, WE HAVE TO KNOW we're worth someone wonderful, and KNOW we're capable of handling any mind-made fear that will inevitably pop up when we begin to fall for someone.
I'm not going to tell you to STOP being scared.
That's pointless, and frankly I'll never offer a suggestion I can't or won't take for myself.
But I WILL tell you to feel the fear and do it anyway.
So let's start making a GROUP effort to STOP allowing your past to dictate or bleed into your present.
The past is impossible to change. It happened EXACTLY THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO because it led you right here to the perfection of THIS moment.
And if THIS moment doesn't feel perfect, I assure you it is.
I'll repeat one of my FAVORITE Byron Katie quotes: When you argue with reality, you SUFFER. But only 100% of the time.
I'm sure you have a TON of evidence that supports how you attract emotionally unavailable man-children, allowing you to justify living in your past.
But I'm here to tell you my loves: As long as you're doing the work by learning and growing from your previous experiences, TRUST in YOURSELF that if the signs are similar, you'll navigate through any pain and fear BEAUTIFULLY.
No one can guarantee that you'll NEVER get hurt.
In fact, I guarantee YOU ABSOLUTELY WILL GET HURT AGAIN IN THIS LIFETIME. We all will.
So get out there, embrace the fear, enjoy this present moment SO WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and give all the lovely Joe's out there a chance to be your one and only in this present moment...
in your heads of course.
Joe may run if you tell him all of this on date 2.
HAPPY CLAIRE YOUR MIND MONDAY!
INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org