I’ve been working with a kick-ass client for the last 6 months who is only—wait for it—
She’s extra near and dear to my heart because she’s getting her BFA to become a professional ACTRESS.
Although I never pursued a BFA, I understand that such programs are grueling on a physical, emotional, and mental level.
(yes, these are my THOUGHTS on what I’ve heard about BFA programs)
“Hannah” came to me initially because she was having trouble staying on top of it all, but made it clear that she WANTED to excel, so I was excited to take her on.
Throughout our time together, she has grown into a mature, authentic, vulnerable, articulate, and self-aware young woman. She’s open to playing with every tool I have to offer, but has a mind of her own to say when something isn’t working for her.
She’s gracious, FUN, and so enthusiastic about tapping into being her best self in ALL areas of her life…
So essentially, a DREAM CLIENT!
I’ve expressed to Hannah several times how proud I am of her and how I think she’s moved mountains in this growth work, and when I do, I get a little emotional!!
I see so much of MY 19-year-old self in her, and I get SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED about what her life will be like, being that she’s learning and applying these life-changing tools at such a young age both in school and in her personal life RIGHT NOW.
But like most of us, it’s much easier for Hannah to focus on the things she needs to “fix” over all of her wins.
I’m noticing this about myself after some major growth in my business over a short period of time.
I worry that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, or am getting “too confident” that clients will continue to effortlessly flock to me the way they have over the last few months, EVEN THOUGH I’ve closed up shop for the time being as I acclimate to managing 15 clients while wrapping up another job, continuing to audition, up my self-care game, maintain a pretty fab social life, and get back into dating again.
Which THEN makes me think, “Oh no, now that I’m dating again, I’ll lose my focus and momentum and everything I’ve worked so hard for will all go to shit!”
SUCH FUN THOUGHTS, RIGHT?
Instead of focusing on the fact that thanks to the growth in my business, I’m traveling to two countries next month, and have two more awesome trips planned for 2019, (not to mention some pretty amazeballs, boss-babe, hair extensions I treated myself to) MY BRAIN IS MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE WORRYING ABOUT PUTTING FIRES OUT THAT AREN’T CURRENTLY HAPPENING!
And when Hannah was given some constructive feedback from her professor who first and foremost told her that her TALENT is there, she went into panic about what she needed to “FIX.”
So before I plugged her thoughts into one of the most brilliant but simple tools that I use on myself and ALL my clients, I paused to say, “Hannah, first of all, do you understand how far you’ve come?”
This is where I want to be cautious of NOT being the coach who blows smoke up my clients asses just for the sake of making them “feel good,” because most of my work is about pushing them through lots of discomfort in order to get them to where they want to go…
Because let’s face it— if your life coach is constantly telling you how great you are, you’re NEVER GOING TO GROW.
But I also recognized that Hannah NOT fully CELEBRATING and OWNING all that she has accomplished during our time together, was making her feel like there’s SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER.
Her response was rushed with a “yeah, yeah, yeah, but there’s still so much I need to work on. My brain wants to focus on the negative.”
Well the good news is, SHE’S NOT CRAZY and NEITHER ARE YOU if you relate to this.
When I slowed her down to tell me what she thinks she’s achieved during our time together, I again got teary!
“I’m much more self-aware. I don’t suppress my anxiety. I’m willing to feel my uncomfortable feelings, and even though my school work isn’t perfect and I still struggle with that a bit, I’ve gotten much better at it.”
My next q was: DO YOU THINK YOUR PROFESSORS SEE THE HANNAH YOU ARE ON THE PHONE WITH ME, IN THE CLASSES YOU’RE IN WITH THEM?
“No. With you I feel so excited and motivated and confident on our calls, but then I’ll go to class and feel intimidated… like everything I say and do is the wrong thing and then I beat myself up, wishing I said NOTHING instead of saying something that I THINK they want to hear.”
Did I mention that this girl is only 19?!?
I’m BLOWN AWAY by her self-awareness and ability to articulate exactly what she “thinks” is wrong because the irony here is that THIS IS SUCH A WIN THAT SHE’S NOT ALLOWING HERSELF TO SEE!
Hannah, what if you looked at this constructive feedback as another awesome challenge to overcome the way you’ve done it so beautifully over the last 6 months with everything else?
Instead of THINKING “there’s so much more I need to fix about myself,” why not CHOOSE TO THINK:
WOW— my professor thinks I’m talented!! He wants to best prepare me for the real world as a professional actress by giving me something else to work on, which I’m TOTALLY CAPABLE of because I already have evidence of being able to do the uncomfortable work!”
I reminded her that her professor is just human like her and I, and it sounds like he really is invested in guiding her to be her best self, like I am as her coach.
WHAT IF THE THOUGHTS YOU THINK ABOUT WORKING WITH ME THAT MAKE YOU FEEL CONFIDENT, INSPIRED, and EXCITED could also be applied to your professors who you’re currently ALLOWING to make you feel intimidated??
And when you’re back in class and getting in your head about how you “should” be, just come into the body again. Get out of your professor’s head and what HE is thinking about you, and come back to YOU.
Show him that not only are you the talented actress he recognizes, but that you’re also the hard-working, enthusiastic, prepared actress because you’re DOING the work.
When you are so psyched and solid about your work, who you are, and what you bring to the table in ALL areas of your life, you’re not worried about what others think.
I think about this as an actor myself, and as a coach, and as someone who’s now dating again.
If I’M so psyched about what I’ve prepared for my audition, or genuinely LOVE what I offer my clients, or am fully self-owned in who I am as a potential romantic partner, while always allowing room for growth, I won’t be worried about what the casting director, my clients, or the guy I’m on a date with thinks about me.
The chips are going to fall where they may— all I can do is rest my head on the pillow knowing I’m doing my best…
Nothing to fix here.
Just excitement about continuing to grow and learn until the day I die, and embracing all the discomfort that will INEVITABLY COME ALONG WITH IT.
Personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way, and I can’t wait to see what unfolds next for Hannah with this new “there’s-nothing-to-fix mindset!”
HAPPY CLAIRE YOUR MIND MONDAY.
Get on my waitlist to work with me, here.