Why Is Dating in LA & NY SO HARD?!


Oh.  And Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.  Forgive me for being so rude.


If I had a nickel for every time I heard LA and NY are "tough towns to meet people in," I'd probably invest in my own matchmaking service that would kick ass, but for now I'll stick to my cliche title of ACTRESS/YOGA TEACHER/LIFE COACH, inviting plenty of eye-rolls and swipe-lefts.  

And I'll level with you for just a sec:  I GET IT.  

This almost 37 y/o would much rather be in a real-deal partnership than spend precious time weeding through stacks upon stacks of hay to find that dazzling needle I'm searching for, but if I allow myself to HATE the process, no good find can come out of it. 

I say the same to my actor clients.  YOU CHOSE THIS LIFE.  There are people from high school who look at your Instagram page and think, "Look at her chasing her dream with the sun shining in February while I'm sitting in Bumblefuck, Iowa wondering if "in my next life I'll write that book."  

But the actress who hasn't worked in a year can only focus on being "as good as my last job."  She easily forgets (as have I) that so few people get to walk the Paramount lot, auditioning for shows they LOVE to watch.  And have had opportunities to work with actors they've admired from afar, or perhaps had a childhood crush on...

It's always a CHOICE my loves.  

If you know you don't want to give up on finding Mr. Right or chasing that lifelong dream, you might as well LOVE the journey along the way, and stop blaming your unhappiness on external factors like the city you live in, or being angry that Hollywood has decided that being white isn't very "in" right now.

"Yeah Claire, but do you know how many auditions I've had and haven't even gotten a callback?!" 

"Do you know how many times I've been unmatched or ghosted by a dude?!"


But if you refuse to quit searching for love or chasing your dream (and I hope you do)  then YOU MUST SURRENDER TO THAT WHICH IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.  

Locate the frustration in the body.  Breathe through it.  Cry if you feel like it.  BE WITH THE SADNESS AND DISAPPOINTMENT.  Consciously complain to a trusted, supportive friend.  

And then surrender some more.

When the let-down eventually passes, you have a choice to look at where you're at AS A GIFT.

I don't know when Mr. Right or the next dream acting gig will come my way, but what I do know is that I get to live in a city that I've fantasized about since I was watching Grease 2 religiously from 3 year's old to PRESENT DAY.  

And maybe I'm not scorrrrrring tonight (G2 reference--you're welcome) but what I like to remember is that LA is a HUGE TRANSPLANT CITY.  (as is NY!)  So many dudes are "NEW TO LA!" and just might be lookin' to Rock-a-Hula-Luau with YOU.  (couldn't help myself)

And aside from the plethora of Peter Pans who'll never grow up in this town, I do know some really great dudes here who are in therapy, doing the hard work on themselves, and NO THEY'RE NOT GAY...so careful when you want to indulge generalizations about men as a whole that REALLY AREN'T TRUE.  

Let's also not forget that people break up in these towns! 

I don't say this to wish heartbreak on others but break-ups are a part of life, so your guy just might be healing from a situation that's prepping him to be in alignment with who you are as a readily available partner.

Nothing is permanent.  Nothing is wrong with the city you live in.  Nothing is wrong with MEN.

Your work is simply to show up and LOVE the process.  

You can fight me on this and tell me all the reasons why the process has been unfair to you, but I BET YOU HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF LOOKING AT WHY THIS JOURNEY IS SERVING YOU.

What's FUN about dating for you?  My bestie and I love to play the wedding hashtag game before date 1 even happens for shits and gigs.   And the reason I know his last name is because my A game at being Lady Detective based on a few words on his dating profile, is OFF THE CHARTS.  

Then I get to get gussied up (something I actually love to do) and have an opportunity to learn about another human being.  Wedding-hashtag-stalker-sally jokes aside, there should be no pressure to husband hunt on date 1!  

And if I say so myself, I think I make a pretty great first date~  I know how to engage in conversation and not take the awkward situation too seriously.  I'm open and honest about who I am, what I do, and have no problem with the age-old question, "Why are you still single?"

Because I already know your social security number backwards, Judgey McJudgerson.


Too soon?

With Love,

Your Creepy Coach

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.  

PS if I didn't creep you out too much and you're possibly interested in working with me, email claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com for your FIRST FREE MINI SESSION! 


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